How to Change, When You Don’t Know Where to Start?

Reinventing In Times of Pandemic

For the most of my twenties, when I thought about my future, I imagined all sorts of delightful things. Beach houses and sunshine, long ski weekends in the Alps, honeymoon in the Caribbean, happy children riding bicycles, lazy mornings drinking coffee in charming European cafes and life enjoyed in company of great friends from all around the world. The one path I was supposed to focus on to get there was getting the best grades, finding a great job at an international company and working hard, very hard, my way up.

Unlike myself, today’s twenty-somethings were raised to find their dreams and pursue them. But it’s a different world. And as the job-hopping generation grows up, we all realise the grand betrayal of that promise. This philosophy of passionately following dreams no longer works for any of us — if it ever did.

Society is so geared to a perfect image of achievement, status symbols or “magazine lifestyle” that it has become cold. This is causing people to pretend to be happy even when they are not. Some hide in plain sight in designer sunglasses, over vegan bowl brunches with fake smiles. Yet when people are pulled for a random research poll forty percent of them on average say they are lonely with no clear direction in life. And that was before the pandemic and social distancing hit us hard. So what can we do?

I propose a different frame of reference: Forget about passion. As ‘Dilbert’ creator Scott Adams humorously illustrates in his post and book, ‘goals are for losers and passion is overrated’.

Instead, why not focus on finding real problems? — by truly becoming part of the community, city or country you live in, especially now when times are tough. For one, it shifts your attention from you to others and the wider world. You stop over-analysing and chasing your tail. You become less self-absorbed. And you start making change in both your own as well as other people’s lives. Ironically, we become happier if we worry less about what makes us happy.

Concepts like “purpose” are often mythologised to oblivion. People talk about purpose as if it were some magical force from above, incomprehensible to the human mind, that only a few rare charismatic gurus on Earth get to have. But, by definition, purpose is simply the reason for which something exists or is used.

Discovering a purpose is an intimate exercise. One you take with yourself. Think about what kind of work do you consider important? Who do you look up to? Which people have you truly helped in the past that you are aware of? What made you irreplaceable to them, or the action? When are you in the flow state of mind — what activity makes you forget your troubles and give your best?

Be unapologetic in these answers. Don’t choose an externally created cause that you think would impress, no matter how admirable. Your purpose isn’t something you need to share with the rest of the world. It’s a piece of core code that resonates with you and will fuel you internally for the years to come. You are, after all, the last person you want to lie to. Be authentic with yourself.

The good thing is that there are a number of important problems to choose from: climate change, sustainability, poverty, education, health care, security or technology. What big problem serves as your inner compass? And then, passion will come along. If you have been struck hard by the pandemic and already determined to see this as an opportunity to change course and reinvent yourself, but you haven’t articulated yet how, here are some things you can do.

Don’t stay locked in, get out (and no, I don’t mean it literally). There’s too much focus on knowing yourself so you can balance this by also understanding the world. Be sensitive to the problems faced by the unfortunate and powerless. It’s been a long time coming, but from elementary to business schools today, educators are finally instituting changes that put the world problems at the center of their programs. I am learning so much from my own child’s school education that puts great attention to environment, community development, team spirit, critical thinking and mindfulness; something I had no access to at such a young age.

Look into problems that affect you in a very personal way. We’re more likely to be motivated by problems we can relate to. I have worked all my life on clean energy innovation, but only recently, as digitalization penetrated all pores of our lives, I became more engaged in topics of security and privacy. This summer, while most of Europe was still reeling from the first Covid shockwave, my team was working on a project across several European countries under barely re-opened borders and we were racing against the clock — all in order to make sure the continent faces this winter with heated pipes and lights on. Enjoying a warm home and watching Christmas light decorations cheering the spirits of people facing another lockdown, while knowing I played a small part in securing it, are a great reminder of why I do the things I do.

Connect with real people working on real problems. In a world where problems are by their very nature interdisciplinary, just getting to know people who are passionate about one problem leads to discussions on how other problems can be solved. You never know which one of your friends may give you that external fresh perspective. As a friend of mine once said — “nutty, warm, spicy, sweet? Friends are the spice of life and they come from different areas of life to teach you, as long as you are willing to listen and learn”.

Set clear personal boundaries. If you haven’t got them already, develop clear personal boundaries as foundation to grow and experiment with yourself with no judgement. The most powerful boundary I follow is actually one I set with myself, for myself: accepting 100% responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, actions, and results.

… So, forward twenty years — many vacations and those rare but precious lazy coffee mornings with friends later, the path I continue to follow is anything but straight, yet I live a life that makes me smile. We don’t find happiness by infinitely searching within. We go outside and immerse ourselves in the world, people we surround ourselves with. We are called to a higher purpose by the inescapable circumstances that are laid out on our path. It’s our daily struggles that define us and bring out the best in us, and this paves the foundation to continuously find fulfilment in what we do even when times get tough.

To quote Emerson who left wisdom worthy of one of those inspirational posters: “The purpose of life is to be useful, to be honourable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”